Well this is novel...

Readers! How very interesting! I suspect most are coming through a comment exchange with Scott of Scott-O-Rama on Traveling Spotlight - that was actually pretty entertaining. The whole exchange was one of those things that if I hadn't been involved, I would've suspected collaboration - but since I was I can vouch that it was spontaneous.

so...anybody wanna buy a bridge?

No! I'm kidding! That was totally unscripted.

It was also very classic me being me. I am not - surprise surprise - the most self-confident person in the world. I sort of envy girls these days - although I notice that a lot of the whole "girl power" business seems to involve an awful lot of midriff at an awfully young age - one of my most vivid recollections from jr. high in Aiea was hanging out in the band room one morning - band was first period. Someone complimented me on something - probably my drawing, that was the only thing I did well enough & publicly enoug for someone to just notice, my notebooks were a veritable menagerie. I said "Thank you" - quite flattered.

Well, the first seat flautist - who was a very pretty, popular, smart girl with just-right clothes & perfect black hair (and oh god how I wanted black hair & brown eyes & to NOT be the tallest gawkiest girl in the band) - pulled me aside on a mission of mercy & said "You know, when somebody compliments you, you should deny it - otherwise people will think you're stuck-up". And in Aiea, in 1979, stuck-up was considered to be about the worst thing a girl could be.

my...we were innocent back then, weren't we?

Anyways - that was just one very noticeable occasion that I remember, not the whole story, but I've grown up to be a person who's very uncomfortable with the idea of calling attention to herself. Quite competent in many respects - and if somebody notices it that's fabulous, I love it (honestly, a small part of why I'm so darned tickled with this business of the Sunday rolling classes is because I had only given the guys at the Small Boat Shop my name, but they remembered that I was at one time an instructor and that was nice)- but to actually say "Here's my blog, want to read it?" - well, that felt egotistical.

but then Scott came swingin' in with some shameless self-promotion silliness & people laughed - and all the sudden my Brooklyn came out & all my apologetic oh-here-is-my-humble-blog-which-can't-possibly-replace-the-ones-you-lost tiptoeing just looked kinda dumb. Hey, I wanna play too!

I posted after my first class up at Sarah Lawrence about fear & overcoming it - that was the "teaching - and being a grownup" post, I believe, with possibly more at "meanwhile, back at the pool" -

well, it's funny how that simple business of drawing attention to myself really is one of my nastiest irrational fears. Surf? Yippee! Whitewater? Yeah! Thunderstorms? cool! Trapeze? whee! OK, so I doubt I'm ever going to jump out of a plane, but guess what, I consider fear of jumping out of planes to be TOTALLY RATIONAL, ok?

Saying "Hey, here is something I am doing, want to take a look?"

Now that's frickin' scary for me...and that's what I call irrational. I mean, my response to "Bobo" telling me where his blog was "Cool, I'll check it out!" I didn't think he was a snob for telling me. And I got a kick out of following the links - it's like a really big story, but it's all real and I like real reality so much more than "reality" tv (of course I don't HAVE a TV so I'm officially talking through my hat now). Didn't look down MY nose at any of THEM - nope. So why would any bloggers look down their noses at me for doing the same thing? and if one did - well, why should that bother me?

Well, the rational mind knows that. Irrational mind was fully expecting rotten eggs.

But once again - got through it. yay! And no cautionary emails from the first-seat flautist yet - so maybe this will come out OK. Anyways, feathered hair & polyester pants don't impress me nearly as much as they used to. Hmph. So THERE.

And I actually found another kayaking blog - now that, I am very psyched about - I have a lot of fun reading the gay (wait - gbltq? is that it?) & gay-friendly writer's blog circle (blog amoeba, more like, no geometry about it!) that Bobo's linked in with, and I will keep reading those, but I'd also love to find more kayaking blogs to link to - like this blog - this is another paddling-addict writing about a sport that means a lot to him, and why it means so much, and I really liked what he had to say. There are plenty of paddling discussion forums, but paddlers being an opinionated bunch & also cranky as hell when cooped up inside for too long, those can get contentious - and then sometimes after too many flame wars everybody backs down simultaneously & with everyone too cowed to post it just kinda peters out. Not a friendly environment for long reflective meditations. And getting involved in a flame war is something I really don't enjoy.

somehow blogs seem better suited to that. Hope I can find a few more out there. Preferably before boating season when I'm sure that kayak blogs will get very, very quiet!

well, enough reflection & meditation, if I don't do at least a little exercise before I go to bed I will have all night to reflect 'cause I will not be able to get to sleep!

Anyways, welcome to anybody that's reading - thanks for stopping by & I hope you'll visit again sometime!