Thursday, July 13, 2006

Open Question for Any Fashion Designers.

Not that I think a lot of fashion designers read this blog. But on the off chance any folks of that ilk happen to stumble across this, I would like to know -

What the EFF were you all smoking when you all decided that ALL slacks (pants, trousers, WHATEVERS) intended for sale to the female of the species should have waistbands that sit down around the coccyx or so?

Sorry, that may seem pretty random, but I have been going nuts as my older trousers for office wear have slowly been wearing out & getting closer & closer to NEEDING replacement. I don't like shopping anyways, and it's so annoying to go pick out something that looks, at first glance, like a reasonably conservative pair of pants & go put them on to find that they sit somewhere below the points of my hipbones. Ick. I work in a youthful industry - you do see the odd midriff around here, but I leave the midriff-baring to the cute little fresh-outta-college twentysomethings.

I'm just particularly cranky about this today because I'm crewing on the schooner tonight. I used to have a pair of Columbia Sportswear convertible pants that I liked to wear sailing. I bought them at Eastern Mountain Sports & with the zip-off legs, they were the BEST things for spring & fall, where it could get cold in the evening. Wore them 'til a knee ripped, then patched 'em & wore 'em some more until they just weren't presentable anymore. Well, tonight's crewing was a last-minute call (one of the crew hurt her hand badly yesterday, let the mainsail throat halyard jump off the winch - everybody gets told to watch out for that 'cause it ends up causing some severe rope burns on the hand, but almost everybody ends up doing it once...generally only once though, and I'm speaking from personal experience here...anyways, she's off now for a few days), and I don't have my khakis on today. So on my lunch hour, I decided I'd trot down to EMS & see if I could replace those much-missed pants. Walked in, there's a rack of khaki convertible pants. Yay. Tried on a pair in a size that usually either fits or is a little too big & there's my navel floating lost, cold, lonely and exposed high above the waistline.

Sheeeeeee-it. I'm going sailing, not clubbing. I will actually have to bend over occasionally & IMHO, plumber's cracks are universally unattractive, even on the youngest & hottest sorts, which I'm not. Pretty darned good for pushing 40 no no no. I did not buy those pants. There are passengers' feelings (and stomachs) to consider. No.

So then, not really to wanting to drop seventy-five bucks on a new pair of technospectrahypasupralon EMS Self-Bailing Adventure Pants of the non-convertible variety, I went to Old Navy hoping to find an inexpensive pair of khaki something-or-others - I wasn't gonna be picky, shorts, slacks, capris, whatever, I was out to buy...I swear that every khaki item bore a tag proudly proclaiming "Ultra Low Waist". Maybe 4 or 5 said "Low Waist". Not one single thing said "Waist Where Your Waist Is". I guess that is far too much to ask for.

since when did they decide that only teenyboppers, or people who want to look like teenyboppers, go shopping?

I guess I'm wearing my still-presentable black polyester office trousers to sail tonight. Can't wreck 'em 'cause they are apparently, until designers come down off of whatever it is they've all been high on for the last couple of years, irreplaceable.

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