OK, I know I wrote too much on that post yesterday, but I did want to add something.
Joe and I ended up being friends. Not going-out-for-coffee-every-week friends but we stay in touch & he occasionally (once in a blue moon really, he's married & in law school now, still a busy busy guy & not too far from getting moreso - in the unlikely event you're reading this J & J, congrats again!) reads this blog.
I'd say that even if he didn't, though. He was a good guy. I was very attached to him - I'm pretty independent & don't really date (dating scene in NY requires a much thicker hide than I possess) but when I do fall for somebody it's very wholeheartedly. The breakup wasn't an easy one - in the end, though, I told him something along the lines of "Look, I'm hurt and angry and I'm not going to pretend things are fine - but if you'll accept that & let me be hurt and angry for a while, then I think we can end up as friends". We'd been friends before we started dating, and we were also still both doing things at the Irish Arts Center, so ending up as friends was definitely a desirable outcome for both of us (as well as for the people in our Irish music social circle).
He's a pretty guy-ish guy, not too comfortable with the heavy-deep-n-real stuff - but he listened to what I had to say and he accepted my request/challenge - and the fact that he respected me enough to hear me out & say "OK" made it a lot easier to get through the hurt & angry bit. So much better than this tendency a lot of people seem to have these days to foist off all responsibility for hurt on the one who's gotten hurt - "oh, you are only in pain because you choose to be in pain; you could choose to be happy and carefree like me; since you choose to be in pain, you must be a sad sick person; gee, you should really talk to somebody about that - oh, my, look at the time, late for yoga class, gotta run, see you in our next incarnation!".
Anyways, just had to add that. Don't think I made Joe sound really terrible but I did want to add this in. Just because.