Thursday, February 10, 2005

Well this is novel...

Readers! How very interesting! I suspect most are coming through a comment exchange with Scott of Scott-O-Rama on Traveling Spotlight - that was actually pretty entertaining. The whole exchange was one of those things that if I hadn't been involved, I would've suspected collaboration - but since I was I can vouch that it was spontaneous.

so...anybody wanna buy a bridge?

No! I'm kidding! That was totally unscripted.

It was also very classic me being me. I am not - surprise surprise - the most self-confident person in the world. I sort of envy girls these days - although I notice that a lot of the whole "girl power" business seems to involve an awful lot of midriff at an awfully young age - one of my most vivid recollections from jr. high in Aiea was hanging out in the band room one morning - band was first period. Someone complimented me on something - probably my drawing, that was the only thing I did well enough & publicly enoug for someone to just notice, my notebooks were a veritable menagerie. I said "Thank you" - quite flattered.

Well, the first seat flautist - who was a very pretty, popular, smart girl with just-right clothes & perfect black hair (and oh god how I wanted black hair & brown eyes & to NOT be the tallest gawkiest girl in the band) - pulled me aside on a mission of mercy & said "You know, when somebody compliments you, you should deny it - otherwise people will think you're stuck-up". And in Aiea, in 1979, stuck-up was considered to be about the worst thing a girl could be.

my...we were innocent back then, weren't we?

Anyways - that was just one very noticeable occasion that I remember, not the whole story, but I've grown up to be a person who's very uncomfortable with the idea of calling attention to herself. Quite competent in many respects - and if somebody notices it that's fabulous, I love it (honestly, a small part of why I'm so darned tickled with this business of the Sunday rolling classes is because I had only given the guys at the Small Boat Shop my name, but they remembered that I was at one time an instructor and that was nice)- but to actually say "Here's my blog, want to read it?" - well, that felt egotistical.

but then Scott came swingin' in with some shameless self-promotion silliness & people laughed - and all the sudden my Brooklyn came out & all my apologetic oh-here-is-my-humble-blog-which-can't-possibly-replace-the-ones-you-lost tiptoeing just looked kinda dumb. Hey, I wanna play too!

I posted after my first class up at Sarah Lawrence about fear & overcoming it - that was the "teaching - and being a grownup" post, I believe, with possibly more at "meanwhile, back at the pool" -

well, it's funny how that simple business of drawing attention to myself really is one of my nastiest irrational fears. Surf? Yippee! Whitewater? Yeah! Thunderstorms? cool! Trapeze? whee! OK, so I doubt I'm ever going to jump out of a plane, but guess what, I consider fear of jumping out of planes to be TOTALLY RATIONAL, ok?

Saying "Hey, here is something I am doing, want to take a look?"

Now that's frickin' scary for me...and that's what I call irrational. I mean, my response to "Bobo" telling me where his blog was "Cool, I'll check it out!" I didn't think he was a snob for telling me. And I got a kick out of following the links - it's like a really big story, but it's all real and I like real reality so much more than "reality" tv (of course I don't HAVE a TV so I'm officially talking through my hat now). Didn't look down MY nose at any of THEM - nope. So why would any bloggers look down their noses at me for doing the same thing? and if one did - well, why should that bother me?

Well, the rational mind knows that. Irrational mind was fully expecting rotten eggs.

But once again - got through it. yay! And no cautionary emails from the first-seat flautist yet - so maybe this will come out OK. Anyways, feathered hair & polyester pants don't impress me nearly as much as they used to. Hmph. So THERE.

And I actually found another kayaking blog - now that, I am very psyched about - I have a lot of fun reading the gay (wait - gbltq? is that it?) & gay-friendly writer's blog circle (blog amoeba, more like, no geometry about it!) that Bobo's linked in with, and I will keep reading those, but I'd also love to find more kayaking blogs to link to - like this blog - this is another paddling-addict writing about a sport that means a lot to him, and why it means so much, and I really liked what he had to say. There are plenty of paddling discussion forums, but paddlers being an opinionated bunch & also cranky as hell when cooped up inside for too long, those can get contentious - and then sometimes after too many flame wars everybody backs down simultaneously & with everyone too cowed to post it just kinda peters out. Not a friendly environment for long reflective meditations. And getting involved in a flame war is something I really don't enjoy.

somehow blogs seem better suited to that. Hope I can find a few more out there. Preferably before boating season when I'm sure that kayak blogs will get very, very quiet!

well, enough reflection & meditation, if I don't do at least a little exercise before I go to bed I will have all night to reflect 'cause I will not be able to get to sleep!

Anyways, welcome to anybody that's reading - thanks for stopping by & I hope you'll visit again sometime!


Tuna Girl said...

Awww. I thought I could maybe leave your first comment. But Scott-o-Rama beat me to it. Look at him. Shamelessly promoting himself again.

I thought the exchange on Traveling Spotlight was pretty funny.

And you need to go back in time and slap that band girl. No wait! I'll do it for you.

bonnie said...

oh, I could SO kick her polyester-clad ass now. Working out is great that way - don't you agree?

Fortunately I'm not much on fighting - and I've gotten a lot better at ignoring other people's stupidity as I've gotten older.

You could not PAY me enough to be under 30 again. Unless I got to keep everything I've learned since then, in which case where is that time machine we're talking about - would be kinda fun to go back & give that pup a piece of my thirtysomething mind!

bonnie said...

oh yeah - and thanks!

Anonymous said...

Don't believe a word of it. We've been rehearsing this for weeks! We were just waiting until the Traveling Spotlight posted the right post, and bang! Our plan was put in action.

Love your blog. Keep it up!